How Far Can Idiocy Go?
by Euri Scribbles
Summary: Mikan Sakura, a bright and cheery girl, loved her best friend very much. She somewhat happened to read an article about making love. Mikan, being painfully dense, practically asked Hotaru but her best friend told her to ask Natsume instead. What now?
1. Idiocy I

**How Far Can Idiocy Go?**

by: Sorrowful Princess

-

Genre: Humour/Romance

Pairing: NatsumeXMikan

-

Notes prior to story beginning: I plan to make this short. Two-shots. But it can be three chapters at the most.

-

-

"T-This is...!" The brunette exclaimed with her eyes glinting with excitement, as if she had just found something almighty and divine. She clutched the thing in her hands and silently vowed upon herself that tomorrow, she will definitely take an action.

Definitely.

-

-

Twelve year old Mikan Sakura ran vigorously to where her best friend was located. Specifically, at the cafeteria, eating her crab brains. Yes, it was already lunchtime, and Mikan Sakura had eagerly waited for this free time to come. Why? Because today is the day where she will ask her best friend about 'that'.

What's 'that', you asked? Well, I think it would be better if Mikan, herself, will be the one to expose it.

She found her best friend sitting on the far corner by herself, maybe because she told everyone she doesn't want company. You know Hotaru, she prefers to be alone, but not in a lonely way.

Without any hesitation, she practically jumped on her while giving her a long 'Hotaruuu' greeting, which of course, caused Hotaru to be extremely annoyed. Mikan ended up having her face slammed on the floor instead.

"Idiot," her best friend muttered while giving her a very murderous glare. Unknown to Mikan, she accidentally pushed the crab brains out of the table and it fell on the floor. When Mikan found out about this though, she couldn't help but gulp nervously.

"Ahehe, how clumsy I am," the brunette tried to lighten up but failed miserably.

Hotaru, terribly pissed by her now gone crab brains and by her idiot best friend, took out her baka missile and fired it to Mikan. As usual, this caused a fuss in the cafeteria, but no one tried to meddle with them for they knew how devious and scary Hotaru can be.

When the deadly scene had finally subsided, meaning when Mikan had finally sat peacefully across Hotaru to talk, the raven-haired felt as if her best friend was here to say something stupid yet again. Her sheepish grin told her so. She sighed inwardly. Now, what could it be this time?

"Hotaru," Mikan called eagerly.

"What?" Hotaru replied, uninterested. She knew her best friend's reply would be somewhere along the line: 'let's cook fried stone fish today!' or 'did you see that flying star last night? It practically smiled at me!' or 'Oh, Hotaru! I think my hair's being impolite nowadays! How come it doesn't go the way I want it to look? Mou!'.

Mikan's eyes beamed brightly as she started to open her mouth. Okay, here it goes...

"Let's make love!" Mikan exclaimed, completely esctatic.

Hotaru, who was half-way drinking her orange juice, almost choked upon her best friend's words. Make love, she said? Does she know what that phrase means? No, she doesn't. If she knows, she wouldn't dare to do it with Hotaru. She wouldn't dare. But then again, she's an idiot. Who knows.

Hotaru didn't make an urgent reply, so Mikan took it as an encouragement and a sign of interest. She began babbling about how she thought of it.

"Well, you see Hotaru, while I was reading a magazine last night, I happen to stumble upon that article about making love! It said there that making love is the ultimate way of showing one's affection and feelings, and I'd be more than willing to do it with you, since I love you so much, Hotaru!" she explained happily, totally unaware of what her words really meant.

Hotaru sighed inwardly. Make love with her? Yeah, right. Obviously, her best friend doesn't know anything about making love, and its procedures. Ugh.

When Hotaru didn't reply again, Mikan nudged her in the arm.

"Ne, Hotaru, what do you think?" she asked, eyes hopeful.

Just when Hotaru was about to decline and tell her best friend how stupid she is, she thought of an insanely ridiculous idea.

She smiled devilishly.

"I think you should ask Natsume," she answered as nonchalantly as possible.

Mikan twitched her eyebrows.

"Eh?! Why that evil Natsume?" she asked.

"Because it'll be better if you make love with him than with me."

Mikan puffed her cheeks childishly.

"But that jerk always bullies me and burns my hair!" she protested, "Isn't making love supposed to be with the one you love dearly?"

Hotaru smiled more evilly than before. It was so evil that it looked so scary.

"But then again, Mikan, if you ask him, he might stop bullying you. When love takes place, he might forget about bullying you," the raven-haired girl tried to reason out. Yeah, right. As if any of her saying is true.

"But making love is just for dear friends!"

"Why, Mikan, is he not your friend?"

That made Mikan think for quite some time. After a few moments though, she nodded as if she had understand everything, when in truth, she doesn't even know what every word she throws means.

"You're right, Hotaru. Natsume is a friend. And if making love with him would make things lighter for us, and perhaps we'll be closer and hopefully he'll stop bullying me, I'll ask him. It won't hurt to try, would it?" she said, eyes determined.

Hotaru nodded.

Mikan beamed yet again. "Yay! I'm a genius! To think I've finally found the resort between me and Natsume! Oh, Hotaru, you helped out a lot too! Thank you! I'll ask him right now. Just remember we'll make love as well after I'm done with Natsume, okay?" she asked excitedly.

Hotaru wanted to laugh. She wanted to laugh so badly that she felt her insides would burst at anytime. If you look closely at the words of her best friend, it sounded nasty. But hearing it come from her innocent tone, it sounded rather ridiculous and insanely hilarious. Oh, Hotaru has never felt so hard to stop her laughter before. Ever. But despite of it, she managed to give Mikan a sly smile and an reassuring answer: of course.

Mikan, greatly enthused by her best friend's assurance, quickly ran to where Natsume supposedly was. Unfortunately, the table he and his best friend, Ruka, was in, was so crowded with pathetic, desperate, and drooling fan girls. Typical scene.

Mikan felt the urge to punch the girls out because she believes those girls were fooling themselves over the jerk. But she can't let that ruin her spirit, right? She must ask him about it. She doesn't care if his annoying fan girls were on her way.

Pushing the fan girls aside with her hands, and that wasn't easy considering the whines and mad glares being thrown at her as she did so, she somehow made it to where Natsume is. She doesn't want to waste her time, so she immediately moved her face in front of the flame caster's, making Ruka slightly jump and the fan girls curse muttering about how shameless Mikan's action was (they're one to talk, huh?). Natsume, however, remained in his calm composure, though he almost dropped his fork with the feel of the brunette's breath on his face. Yeah, they're pretty close, about just inches away. Mikan couldn't care less, though.

"Ne, Natsume," Mikan called in a sing-song voice which annoyed the hell out of the fan girls.

"What do you want, idiot?" Natsume responded nonchalantly.

"Say," Mikan started and it piqued Natsume's curiousity a bit while the fan girls practically grumbled. "Can we make love?" the brunette asked out, loud and clear.

Gasps.

Gasps.

Gasps.

The sound of someone choking was heard, accompanied by the clanging of the fallen fork on the cold floor.

-

_to be continued..._

-

A/N: So what do you think? I just actually wrote it on a whim. This is my first attempt for a two-shot, or rather a three-shot. Tell me what you feel about it, all right?

Yes, tell me by reviews. Counting on it, all right?

Bye!

Lovelots,

-Eurice-

PS: This is a rated-T fic so obviously, there'll be no extreme/smex scenes, alright? So rest assured everyone, this is a light fic.


	2. Idiocy II

**How Far Can Idiocy Go?**

by: Sorrowful Princess

-

Genre: Humour/Romance

Pairing: NatsumeXMikan

-

Notes prior to story beginning: I plan to make this short. Two-shots. But it can be three chapters at the most.

Disclaimer: I do not own Gakuen Alice and I do not have as much geniosity as Higuchi Tachibana has. But I'll do my best to satisfy the readers.

-

-

The sound of someone choking was heard, accompanied by the clanging of the fallen fork on the cold floor.

Ruka found himself having something blocking his air path, causing him to choke. When Mikan asked Natsume if they can make love, Ruka, who was half-way on gulping his meat, choked upon it and is now turning pale due to the lost of air.

Air.

Air.

Air.

He was choking so hard that he felt his eyes watering. He needed some goddamn air.

In times like this, we know we could always count on Natsume to rescue him. But Natsume remained emotionless, perhaps frozen was a better word. And if I said that Ruka was pale, you bet Natsume is paler by a thousand times. He doesn't look as if he had seen a ghost; he looked as if he, himself, is the ghost.

Dang. So basically, Ruka was the one who's choking, and Natsume was the one who froze up and dropped the fork.

And the fan girls?

They looked bloody murderous.

Just imagine a typical day, a typical scene, typical brunette approaching Natsume, typical Natsume replying rudely and calling her names, then all of a sudden, this brunette, Mikan Sakura, asks Natsume if they can make love. Make Love?!

If Mikan had asked for a date, it'll be a shocker, too. Though the intensity might intensify more, it'll be considered, well, kind of not out of this world.

But no. Mikan didn't ask for a date. She asked for a private thing.

She asked to make love.

Make love.

Make love.

Make love.

Koko, who remained speechless upon the whole scene unfolding before him, got back to his senses and finally went to help Ruka out. He patted Ruka's back and handed him a glass of water, which the animal-boy gratefully accepted. Well, who wouldn't be grateful in times like this? In times where you almost died?

He almost died of choking. What a fancy way of dying.

Ruka had finally recovered from the choke, but his brain haven't recovered at all. Mikan's words went echoing in the walls of his brains.

_'Say, Natsume, can we make love?'_

Make love.

Make love.

Make love.

Ruka wanted to shout. What in the world did she just freaking say?! Unfortunately, his lips were frozen as well.

Hotaru, however, smiled inwardly. Exactly just as she thought. She knew this would happen.

The fan girls, on the other hand, were all having murder plans in their minds.

_'How dare that slutty Mikan say that! It's obvious she wants to harass Natsume-sama!'_ most of the desperate girls thought.

Though their minds were having a total ransack, their bodies were frozen as well. No one can utter a word. They were just too shocked.

Shocked.

Shocked.

Shocked.

Well, now that I have already elaborated how the other characters have felt, let's move on to the main event. Let's have a brief insight of Natsume's thoughts.

-

-x- Natsume -x-

-

Typical day.

Lunch time.

I was sitting here beside Ruka, eating what seemed to be food, while I ponder about how annoying this day was. I didn't really want to come here, Ruka just practically forced me to. He said he needed to eat. Ugh. Yeah so he needed to eat, I accompanied him, and wuala! All I got from it was this goddamn crowd of annoying fan girls, trying their best to flirt with me. Some of them were drooling.

Disgusting.

"Natsume! I made you a bento! Please try some!" a high-pitched girl shouted.

"Me, too, Ruka-kun!"

"Natsume-sama, you're so cool!"

"Oh Natsume-sama, don't act so cold! It'll ruin your gorgeous face!"

"Nogi-san, feed me! Look, I'm cute like you're precious animals, right?"

"Natsume-kun, I love you!"

Typical scene.

Tch. Noisy.

My temper was threatening to explode. In my head, images of these annoying girls burning are dancing through.

I grumbled. I shot Ruka a look saying we must eat fast so that we can get the hell out of here faster.

So, trying my best to ignore all the noise, I picked up my fork and stabbed the meat, but not before looking at a certain brunette through the corner of my eyes. She was chatting cheerfully to her best friend, Hotaru Imai, who rather looked uninterested.

What are they talking about?

No, wait. Why should I bother to think about it, anyways? It's none of my business.

Sigh.

How come Mikan Sakura is the only girl who doesn't fall head over heels over me? She doesn't seem attracted to me at all. While these girls spend their precious time trying to flirt with me, that idiot spends hers arguing with me, or better yet, picking out a fight with me.

Most of her time she spends it with that shadow freak, Andou.

Damn.

Why does she have to hang-out with him, anyways? Why does she spend her time with other boys - I mean, other people? Look, I'm not saying she should spend it only with me but - okay, enough of this. It's making my head hurt.

The food was tasteless. Shit. Is this thing here really called food?! Seriously!

It's getting noisier and noisier in here. Tch.

Suddenly, I heard the fan girls grumble and whine. I couldn't care less, though. So I focused all my attention in my plate. Little did I know, the brunette was making her way towards me, and I only felt her presence when I felt her sweet breath on my face.

The sweet scent of strawberry.

I almost dropped my fork when my senses told me that her face was just a few inches away from me. I fought real hard not to blush, and to my relief, that reddish thing in my cheeks didn't show.

Her face was so close.

Very close.

Her eyes were impassive, though. It looked rather determined. But determined of what? Is she here to pick another fight?

"Ne, Natsume," her voice came in a sing-song voice which sounded like music to my ears.

Damn Natsume, scratch that.

I have to be me. The cold, rude me.

"What do you want, idiot?" I responded, proud of myself for, indeed, sounding rude and uncaring. It sounded nonchalant, too.

Her face slightly crumpled, though. And I believe it was because I called her an idiot. Again. But it didn't lessen that look of determination in her face.

"Say," she started, and due to her tone, my curiousity rose. Suddenly, her face slightly brighten, as if what she's going to say to me is the happiest and the most exciting thing she knew of. I waited eagerly for her to continue.

"Can we make love?"

Wha -

My eyes widened.

WHAT THE HELL?!!! Did I hear her right?! Did she just asked me to make love with her? Make love? Make-fucking-love?!!

Unintentionally, I dropped my fork and it landed on the floor. I heard someone choking as well, but I just couldn't process who he was. My mind went blank. I froze. It felt as if my lungs had stopped working. Am I still breathing?

All the blood had gone out of my face. I bet I look rather ghostly now.

Make Love? She just asked me to make love?

I'm... I'm shocked.

Beffudled.

Bewildered.

Flabbergasted.

Taken aback.

Astounded.

Dumbfounded.

Make love?

Oh. My. God.

I stared at the brunette in front of me, eyes never moving, eyelids never closing. It was as if I'm a statue. I mean, fuck! How the hell am I supposed to respond to this idiot who had just asked me to make something extreme with her?

I couldn't bear the thought.

Her eyes, however, looked rather confused as to my reaction. Can you believe that?! She just asked me something unquestionable and she had the right to look confused as if I was the one who had asked her something unthinkable instead?

Wait, she did ask me to make love. But...

But did she really know what making love meant?

I stared at her closely, especially in her eyes, speculating. Aside from the confusion, she looked innocent and her eyes shouted the words 'untainted thoughts'.

I knew it. She never really actually meant it.

That idiot. How could she ask someone to do something that she doesn't even fully understand? What if she asked the wrong person? I mean, what if she asked someone perverted? That jerk would surely take advantage of her stupidity and denseness.

Damn. Such an idiot.

As I came to this realization, my senses slowly went back.

It was quiet.

Absolute stillness.

And Ruka? He looked just as devastated as me. Well, who wouldn't be? Imagine your crush asking your best friend to make love. Yeah, I've known Ruka's feelings for the idiot all along.

I know about it. But despite of that piece of knowledge, I...

"Ne, Natsume," the idiot's voice rang in my ears, pulling me out of my reverie, and at the same time, breaking the icy silence. I didn't respond, though.

"Ne, Natsume!" she called again, and I grumbled.

"What?!" I asked roughly.

"What do you think?" she asked, her eyes hopeful.

I didn't respond.

I saw her slightly pout. "Hey! Answer me, at least! What do you think?"

I gave her silence.

"Well?" Ugh. I guess she isn't planning to drop the subject, is she? Shit. Can't she tell by our reactions that she had said something awful?

No, she can't.

Oh God, how thickheaded could humans possibly be? How many levels of stupidity are there? Isn't there at least a limit? Is that idiot ever going to realize what she's doing right now?!

-

-x- Normal Point of View -x-

-

Mikan was quite confused with their reaction. What, did she just said something wrong? She did what Hotaru told her to. She asked Natsume. Is it such a bad thing? No. Since Hotaru was the one who told her to do this, she must hold upon the fate that this was the right thing to do.

I mean, she just asked if Natsume and herself could make love, right? It isn't a bad thing. Well, in her eyes that is.

"Well?" the brunette insisted, waiting for Natsume's reply.

In response, Natsume looked rather annoyed.

Oops, what did she do? She did nothing. So she decided to encourage Natsume instead.

"Oh, c'mon Natsume! I'm sure it'll be fun!" she exclaimed.

Fun, she said?

Ruka's mouth practically hung open, as well as the fan girls'. They've gone completely mute, as if their speaking capabilities were suddenly robbed from them.

Natsume, however, looked more and more pale by the minute as he twiddle with his thoughts.

The whole crowd have a different definition of 'fun' in their minds. Whilst Mikan's was a simple picture of a vast, sunny clearing, where she and her partner (Hotaru/Natsume) were running around while wearing happy smiles of friendship and tenderness. In her mind, what they do is just run around, play, hold hands, and even hug. Nothing more than that.

Yes, that's her definition of fun. And that's how she think making love is taken into action. Just playing around and expressing one's love and affection for each other.

However, nobody else thinks of making love that way.

And that's the problem.

-

-x- Natsume -x-

-

What now? Ugh, I hate this. She's been persisting so hard.

"Oh, c'mon Natsume! I'm sure it'll be fun!" the idiot enthused, her eyes gleaming.

Fun, she said?

Oh God, help me! Evil thoughts, begone! Shit, I'm turning crazy out here. She's making me crazy! What the hell is she doing, saying that making love is fun? Well, it's true in a sense - I mean, no! Fuck, no!

I can't take this anymore. Seriously, how far can her idiocy go?!

Damn.

-

-

Mikan Sakura was completely oblivious to the heavy atmosphere hovering the supposed-to-be-noisy cafeteria. I mean, she's not even aware of what she said, so what gives you the idea that she's aware of the growing tension around her?

Her mind was full of visions of making love. Happy, friendly, warm, and exciting images. If not for the fact that there are so many people here, she would've drooled by now. Ha! If Mikan drools right after she asked Natsume to make love with her, what kind of impression will everyone make?

I don't want to think about it. No one wants to think about it.

It was just so unthinkable.

And well, beloved readers, Mikan Sakura's an expert when it comes to unthinkable things.

Moreover, she is determined. And we know very well how stubborn she could be when determined.

She put up a glowing smile.

"Ne, Natsume, say something!" she exclaimed while nudging Natsume lightly in the ribs.

That's when everyone got their ability to speak and to move again. That's when they came back to life. They all had gone back to their senses the very moment they saw Mikan touch Natsume. And wanna know what their senses told them?

One word: Danger.

But danger for what?

Danger for Natsume.

What is the danger?

Two words: Mikan Sakura.

Frantically and hastily, the fan girls moved in front of Natsume in a protecting stance. They encircled Natsume, which made it look like he's going to be the sacrificial lamb, all the while shoving the brunette away from him with their ice-cold hands.

Mikan twitched her eyebrows. Their shove hurt. "Hey! What's your problem?" she asked in an annoyed voice.

A fan girl took a step forward and spoke in a very queasy manner.

"W-We won't l-let yo -you t-touch our N-N-Natsume-sama with your p-p-perverted h-hands! G-Get a-away from h-him or y-you'll regret e-ever laying your feet o-on this, uh, a-academy!" It was supposed to be a threat, but it didn't sound like one. It sounded rather like a whimpering dog.

A question mark popped on Mikan's head. "Huh? What are you talking about? Me a pervert? I am not a pervert!" she defended.

"Y-Yes, you a-are!" The fan girl countered. She was sweating very hard. Actually, all of the fan girls are sweating hard as well. It was a first for them to deal with something like this, after all.

Mikan puffed her cheeks. "I am not!" She argued childishy. "Whatever did I say that make you call me a pervert? I just asked Natsume if -"

"D-Don't you d-dare r-repeat it!" The fan girl interrupted her but too late.

" - we can make love!" Mikan had said it.

Everyone shuddered. Including the flame caster.

Mikan took a step towards where Natsume is. But this tiny move freaked everybody out to their bones. Ruka, who was more panicked than he makes it seem, blocked the brunette's path and raised his arms to stop her.

"S-Sakura-san," Ruka said, voice quivering. "P-Please do not go any f-further." It was all Ruka could said. He still wasn't over the shock.

A vein popped on Mikan's head.

"Mou!" she exclaimed, exasperated. "Why does everyone get on my way?!"

No one answered.

Mikan sighed. "Natsume!" she called loudly for Natsume to hear, since Natsume was being guarded by his fan girls. "Tell me! Do you want to make love or not?" she asked, wanting to get this over with right now. So much of her time had already been wasted just for waiting for some goddamn answer from the flame caster.

Everyone paled.

Ruka and the fan girls grew more frantic. In haste, they faced Natsume and began speaking at the same time.

"No, Natsume-sama, don't do this!"

"Natsume, think about this. You don't have to do this, for Christ's sake!" Ruka, his best friend, exclaimed.

"Natsume-sama! No!"

"Hyuuga-kun, please don't give in to temptation!"

"Don't tell me you're planning to do it with this ugly girl, Natsume-san!"

"You're mine only, Natsume-kun! Refuse, I beg of you!"

"I love you! Do it with me instead!"

"Dream on, girl. He'll do it with me, not you!"

"He loves me. What gave you the idea he'll do it with you instead? I'm way sexier than you!"

"Shut up! Natsume-sama's mine only!"

"No, he's mine! He desires my body so fuck off, hags!"

It was extremely noisy. Everyone's shouting, fan girls shoving each other; fighting, it was a mess. Who knew it'll get to this point?

Natsume, who was in between fan girls who engaged into bloodbath, felt very agitated and annoyed. He hated noise, and he hated the fan girls who fight over him like pigs as if he's an exclusive prize in a contest. Veins popped in his head, and his aura grew dark and murderous. This cafeteria is getting sickening. He must get away. But how?

Then a brilliant idea popped on his mind. He smiled inwardly.

"Shut your damn mouths." he said coldly while giving everyone a deadly glare.

Everyone stopped what they're doing and zippered their mouths shut. They looked at Natsume intently. When it's already quiet, Natsume looked at Mikan straight in the eye with such intensity. It was a long stare.

"Well?" Mikan inquired, waiting for his answer.

Natsume smirked evilly. "Sure, darling." he said sexily. He looked at Mikan enticingly, "Where do you want to do it?"

Mikan, who was overly esctatic, failed to notice the way Natsume called her 'darling', and instead, beamed at him.

"In an open area!" she exclaimed and everyone sweat dropped. T-They're gonna do it in an open area?

Natsume sneered. "Oh? Why in a place like that?"

The brunette brought her finger to her chin and pretended to think of an answer. "Because I like the sun! It will give us energy!"

Everybody sweat dropped yet again. They're going to do it under the sun? And e-energy? Do they really need that much energy?

Seeing everyone's reaction, Natsume felt a surge of triumph and satisfaction. He then extended his hand to the brunette and smiled at her. "Shall we?" he asked, and Mikan grinned at him.

Everybody felt faint. What did Natsume mean by 'shall we'? Are they planning to do it now???

And as if to confirm their stormed thoughts, they heard the brunette spoke:

"We shall!" she declared as she placed her hand to his, but not before turning around towards Hotaru's direction and shouting: "Hotaru! I did it! I'm a genius! Yay! Just remember our deal, okay? We'll make love, too, after I'm done with Natsume!"

Everybody felt the need to die when they heard that. D-Did she just say she'll do it with Hotaru, too, after she's done with Natsume? Various kinds of unwanted and unappealing images came through their minds that made them want to smash their heads up. It was just too much!

Do it with Natsume.

Then do it with Hotaru, her very own best friend, not to mention having the same gender as her.

Creepy.

Natsume, who heard that, also felt sick. Mikan's idiocy is just too much to handle. And the worst part of all is that she doesn't even know it! However, he must keep up the act.

"Babe, I'm getting tired of waiting here." He said, making everyone shot their heads to him, and making Ruka's eyes bulge out of its sockets.

Mikan missed the 'babe' part again. She was too preoccupied with her thoughts of Hotaru and herself and when her senses came back, she only got to hear the last parts. She smiled very widely, her pearly, white teeth gleaming.

"Oh, sorry! Let's go!" she said.

Natsume started to walk towards the exit door, dragging the brunette who happily followed him. Just before they exit fully though, the flame caster turned around and gave everybody a big, annoying smirk.

"No tag-alongs. We need privacy."

Everybody had their mouths hanging open with his statement. Natsume laughed inwardly.

Make love?

Make love?

Make love?

Ha!

Absolutely.

-

_to be continued..._

-

A/N: There goes the 2nd chapter. The last chapter would be posted soon, and I hope you will all look forward to it. I hope you liked this chapter, and please tell me your reactions.

Yes, tell me by reviews. Thanks for reading!

Bye!

Lovelots,

-Eurice-

PS: This is a rated-T fic so obviously, there'll be no extreme/smex scenes, alright? So rest assured everyone, this is a light fic.


	3. Idiocy III

**How Far Can Idiocy Go?**

by: Sorrowful Princess

-

Genre: Humour/Romance

Pairing: NatsumeXMikan

-

Disclaimer: I do not own Gakuen Alice and I do not have as much geniosity as Higuchi Tachibana has. But I'll do my best to satisfy the readers.

-

-x- _Idiocy is a virtue_ -x-

-

When the couple was finally out of their sight, their senses activated yet again and they exploded like a volcano all at the same time. The fan girls began screaming like a complete ass, whilst Ruka was the little poor one to be screamed out.

"Ruka-kun! Why didn't you stop your best friend?!" one asked, annoyed.

"You're such an inconsiderate friend!" another one said.

"Oh, God, how could this be?! Our beloved Natsume-sama is gonna be eaten by a perverted, pig-tailed freak!"

Most of the fan girls just cried out and wailed, since they also have a crush with Ruka, and they couldn't possibly blame him like the others did.

"Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaahh!!! I can't take this! I'll kill myself!"

"This is too much! I thought he'll reject her!"

"His virginity! It's so sad it'll be taken away from him but not by me!"

"Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaahh!!!" the fan girls all cried in unison.

Ruka felt sick with all the noise. But he, himself, just can't process what's happening around him this very moment. Well, his crush and his best friend are going to make love any minute by now, so how do you expect him to react? He was freaked out, yes. But he was more freaked out with the fact that his best friend willingly accepted Mikan's offer.

And he was more and more freaked out when a fan girl grabbed him by the collar and tried to kiss him.

"If I can't have Natsume-sama, I'll have you instead! I won't let that Mikan have her way on you when she's done with him!" the girl who tried to kiss Ruka screamed right before she pulled Ruka's collar.

"Yeah! Who knows who her next victim would be?! We better make reservations or else we'll...!"

And with that statement, all of the desperate fan girls made a go with Ruka. They flung themselves on him and tried to hug him, kiss him... some even tried to undress him!

It was a total chaos. Ruka was practically being molested and harassed by these fan girls, and he couldn't do anything about it! They're just so many!

The animal-boy turned green, then purple.

_'Oh no, this is not happening to me!'_ he though to himself desperately.

How could these people be so bold?!

All of a sudden, a huge, brown bear made its way to the cafeteria, breaking the door in the process. The fan girls turned white as a sheet of paper when they saw it approaching them with its awfully sharp claws gleaming. It let out a loud, frightening growl which caused the fan girls to tremble with fear. Instantly, they let go of Ruka, and the bear scooped him up and placed him gently on the back his neck. Ruka gave him a silent look of gratitude. He was saved.

Yeah, he was saved. But he doesn't look like he was saved. His uniform was pretty torn out, and his neck and cheeks were tainted with the bright, red color of lipstick. He was full of freaking kiss marks. And if his friend bear haven't saved him, he would have been successfully raped by these perverted fan girls.

And he would have been raped inside the school's goddamn cafeteria. Great.

God, this is turning crazy. And it's just because of one little question the brunette unthinkably asked.

Ruka is still freaked out, and he has no plan to be freaked out more than he already was. So, giving the fan girls one last disgusted and annoyed look, he patted the bear and they walked off, leaving everything behind.

When Ruka was nowhere in sight, the fan girls felt lost. They don't have someone to harass now, furthermore they don't have anyone to blame. Wait, someone to blame?

They have someone to blame.

Slowly, they turned around and glared at a raven-haired girl who was currently taping everything in her video camera. Her eyes were in the shape of dollars.

Grumbling, the fan girls lunged at her while screaming: "This is your fault, Imai! You should have stopped your idiot best friend!"

Five...

Four...

Three...

Two...

One...

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

The ice princess fired her Baka cannon on each and every one of the fan girls. Every girl lay on the floor, defeated and toasted.

"Mark my words, idiots: No one attempts to go against my will, because if someone does..." then her eyes suddenly gleamed devilishly. "that someone won't be found alive the next time the sun shines."

The fan girls shuddered and before they knew it, Hotaru Imai was already out of their sights as well.

Creepy.

Scary.

And the most suitable adjective to describe her?

Deadly.

-

-x- Natsume -x-

-

Polka and I managed to get out 'safely' from that chaotic cafeteria where those disgusting fan girls reside. Unfortunately, I left Ruka to deal with them by himself, but I'm confident he'll be able to pull things through. That's Ruka Nogi for you. That's my best friend.

Suddenly, I heard a loud, hideous growl coming from the cafeteria we had just escaped from. What's that?

Then I smiled inwardly. Ruka probably asked for some help from his pets.

The idiot seemed to hear it, too, because she asked me: "What's that noise?"

I shrugged. "Probably some hungry, mad animal." I said nonchalantly.

She nodded with understanding. "Ah, I see," she said.

We're now on my favorite spot: the sakura tree. And I am glad that I am able to escape. We sat down for a while in silence. But then again, polka isn't the one to be silent.

"Ne, Natsume, let's make love already!" she whined, and I paled. Here she goes again.

"I think we should start now, while the sun's way up high. It'll be fun!" Then she stood up and grabbed my hand. "C'mon! We must get started!" she said, and I turned even more pallid.

I grumbled.

"Let go, idiot. Who says we're going to make love?"

She twitched her eye brows. "You said! You, yourself, agreed to make love with me, right? It'll be so much fun, you know! It will be---"

"Stop it, idiot! You're making me think of improper things! Don't taint my mind with your - argh!"

She grew confused. "Think of improper things?" she asked innocently. Ugh, I can't take this.

I guess there's no other choice. I have to make her realize what making love really is. Whether she likes it or not. Slowly, I stood up and snaked my arms around her waist. I lowered my face to her level and stared at her intimately. Then I moved my face closer and closer onto hers.

I felt her stiffen.

"Na -" she started, and then exploded. "NATSUME! What the hell do you think you're doing?!!!" she screamed, shoving my face away from hers by her hand. I didn't let her go, though. Instead, I tightened my hold on her.

"L-Let go of me, Natsume!" she screamed. "I said we'll make love! I didn't say you can go and molest me! You pervert! Stop harassing me!" she wailed, panting.

I smirked inwardly at her words. Me molesting her? Ha!

I gave her a rather seductive smile. "But darling," I said huskily. "We _are_ making love. And I would like to lead the both of us to paradise." I said, and I swear, I saw her sweat dropped. Her lips turned white, and I could have laughed at her reaction if it wasn't for the fact that I was here to explain to her, and not make fun of her.

But I can't help it. She's just so funny.

I gave a low muffled laugh.

"W-Why are you laughing?" she stammered. "I bet you're imagining perverted things again, you jerk! I said let go of me!" she shouted.

"Darling," I started and I saw her scowl. Probably because I called her darling. "we are just getting started. This is the first step to make love. I thought you are willing to do it? And to think you were the one who asked for it."

A vein popped on polka's head and she clenched her fists. "Why, you! Don't you dare call me darling! And what do you mean by first step? Stop spouting non - "

"Idiot," I said, letting go of her and sounding suddenly serious. "What do you think making love is? Playing around?" I asked. It was a rhetorical question, but then again, I wasn't surprised to receive an answer from her. She's an idiot, after all.

So she nodded.

God, I knew it. She thought we'll just play around. I bet there were even howalons in her vision of making love, too. Ridiculous. I'd like to keep her innocence, but I'd hate it if she asks some random person to do it with her. Who knows what runs in her puny brain? She might even create a banner saying everyone can make love with her.

I was silent for a while, and this made the idiot suspicious.

"Hey, what are you thinking?" she asked.

"I'm thinking how much of an idiot you are." I answered nonchalantly.

"Say what?! You meanie, Natsu -"

"Where did you get that hideous idea?" I interrupted her.

"What idea?"

"Duh. The idea of making love, what else?"

With that, she beamed. "From a magazine! I've read it from an article -" I cut her off again.

"Were there any information about how it is done?"

"Huh? What do you mean?" she asked.

I grumbled. "Just answer the goddamn question, dammit."

She got annoyed, but then searched her brain for an answer. "Hmm... as far as I can remember, there weren't any. There weren't any images to show it, too. But it's okay! It said there that making love is the ultimate way to show -"

I cut her off yet again. "Listen here, idiot." I said, grunting. "Making love isn't the way you think it is. And I couldn't believe you actually got the nerve to ask me to do it with you despite the fact that you don't even fully understand it! Never mention it again to anyone, and don't you dare go off running to ask someone else to do it with you, even to that shadow freak or to Imai."

As I expected, the idiot didn't get what I said. Instead, she grew annoyed and agitated.

"You jerk," she snarled. "Who do you think you are? You think you can order me around? Ha! As if, Natsume. As if! Why should I listen to you? If I want to make love with Hotaru and with Tsubasa-senpai, I will make love!" she said stubbornly.

So, she really was planning to make love with that shadow freak, huh?

Unforgivable.

I glared at her. "I said you are not allowed to. Don't make me say it for the third time, idiot." I said irritably.

To my dismay, Polka stuck out her tongue at me. "Bleh! I will make love! I will make love! I will make love! I will make love! I will make love! I WILL MAKE LO -"

And before I could even get to think, I pulled her towards me and claimed her lips with mine. My left hand made its way on the small of her back, while the other rested on her cheeks, caressing it. Her eyes were wide, and I felt her stop breathing. What's odd is the fact that, though I kissed her without her permission, she didn't resist, nor pushed me away. She was perfectly still.

The kiss lasted for a moment, and when I let her go, she was completely dumbfounded, whereas I am completely shocked.

What the hell did I just do? I freaking kissed her! Why did I?! WHY DID I?!!!

As I contemplated with my thoughts, I felt the blood rushing through my cheeks. Polka's cheeks were red, so I bet mine isn't any better.

Fuck. I'm such an idiot. Why did I kiss her?

Now she'll probably act awkward when I'm around. Damn.

Silence hovered; neither of the two of us knows what to say. She has the right to be mad at me, but the screaming I've been expecting didn't come. Why? What is she thinking right now?

I saw her touch her lips, it was as if she couldn't believe it.

Well I, myself, couldn't believe it. I didn't really know what got into me. All I remember was that I felt an odd emotion wash through me the moment she said she'll make love with the freak, Andou.

I'm not jealous, of course I'm not.

Maybe I was just irritated because she was so noisy. Yeah, that must be it.

I fixed my face, trying to make it look as nonchalant as possible.

"You're so noisy, so I thought I might as well help you shut your mouth." I said, and with that, the explosion I've been waiting for finally arrived.

She clenched her fists as her face showed countless streaks of different emotion. "YOU JERK! HOW COULD YOU?!!"

I shrugged.

"You pervert! You stole my kiss again!" she whined childishly, and then she went on with her little drama about how she can't be married anymore because I violated her. Blah. Blah. Yeah, right.

I wanted to cover my ears, but even if I do, it won't help much. Polka's voice was just too loud. It was as if she had swallowed a microphone when she was just a child. Incredible.

"It's just a kiss. Don't get so worked up." I said.

"...can't believe this! I can't be a deserving wife anymore! WaAaaAaahhh!" she went on wailing.

I sighed.

"Shut up, will you?!" I asked, showing my annoyance.

"YOU shut up!"

I grunted. "If you can't even withstand a kiss, how could you possibly make love?"

"... I can't - wait, what?" she said suddenly.

Shit, I shouldn't have told her that. Now she'll keep on pestering me about what I mean about that.

"I said nothing." I denied, looking away from her.

She didn't buy it, of course. "You said something! What do you mean by that?"

"I said nothing!" I denied harder.

"Natsume! Say it!"

"No!"

"Say it!"

"No!"

"Explain it!"

Fuck, I guess she isn't planning to give up on the subject, huh? Fine, I'll explain it to her.

"Don't regret this." I growled, glaring at her. Then I took a deep breath. So... how should I explain this? Should I tell her HOW making love is taken into action?

"Listen carefully, idiot. I'll only say this once. Make sure you'll cram this on that puny brain of yours." I inhaled. Then exhaled loudly. Here I go...

"Making love is something extreme. You only do it with the one you love, and you can't do it with a person who has the same gender as you."

"Eh?! Why?!" Polka whined. "But I'd like to do it with Hotaru no matter what!"

A vein popped on my head. "Shut up, idiot! Listen to this first and decide whether you would still like to do it with her or not!"

Polka pouted but then zippered her mouth.

I went on, "You will only do it when you're in the right age. Basically, it must be done after marriage and -"

"But I want to do it with Tsubasa-senpai tomorrow!" Polka complained yet again and I instantly got infuriated with the mention of the shadow-freak's name.

"I said shut up and listen!" I hissed.

Now comes the hard part. I should explain to her how it is being done.

"Okay so, making love is, well, done by... the man and the girl k-kiss each other a-and..." Fuck, this is so embarrassing. I don't wanna explain things like this! I gritted my teeth. "T-They d-do not make l-love u-under the s-sun... I-It should be in b-bed and - uh, well, t-they're..." Crap, why am I fucking stuttering? I felt my face heat up. I drew a deep breath and tried to go on. "T-They're... n-naked and t-the g-girl m-m-might get p-pregnant... and ... - Shit! Why do I have to be the one to explain this thing to you?! You're making me say embarrassing things and - and - FUCK!" I ended up screaming, exasperated.

Polka didn't seem moved, though. "They do it naked? And the girl might get pregnant?" she asked innocently. She still didn't get it?!

I flung my hands to the air. "Seriously! People like you!"

She cocked her head to the side. "People like me what?"

I clutched my hair like a crazy ass. I can't believe this! I'm going insane! How could she be so... so dense?! I already told her making love is being done while naked, and she still isn't bothered by it?!

God! Show some goddamn mercy!

Fuck!

Fuck!

Fuck!

She's such an idiot! Ugh!

I can't stand this!

Ugh!

Suddenly, the bell rang. Break time's finally over.

"Oh! We should get back to class now!" she said.

I grumbled, still exasperated. "You go back. I don't feel like going there and wasting my time."

"Mou, Natsume! Let's go!"

"No."

She sighed. "Fine! I'll leave you here if that's what you want!" then she turned around, stomped her feet and started to walk off towards the classroom.

Before she fully vanished on my sight, though, she turned around and shouted: "Natsume! Continue your explanation later, okay? And oh! Let's make love tomorrow instead, but I'd like to do it with my clothes on, alright? Ja!" and then she continued on skipping happily like a rabbit as if I hadn't revealed any hideous information to her.

I felt like dying at that very moment. She still wanted to make love?! And with clothes on?!!

Holy, almighty, fuck!

I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS!

Seriously, she's such an idiot! Probably the greatest idiot of the millennium!

I stared at where I last saw her, thinking of how I am supposed to deal with her from now on. Being the idiot she is, she'll most probably keep on pestering me about making love.

I shook my head. Really, she's crazy.

But why is it that I didn't feel frustrated the whole time? It rather felt... fun.

She never fails to surprise me, and to make me feel various kinds of emotion which I never thought I had. She always say the unexpected, and turns serious matters into some kind of joke I never fail to enjoy.

She always makes me feel happy, though in a very odd and unusual way.

She's an idiot. But then again, her eternal and limitless idiocy is one of the many things I love about her.

I smiled to myself.

I love her.

I love her.

I loooooove her!

Wait - did I just say I love her??

My heart pounded.

Oh. My. Lord.

-

-x- **The End** -x-

-

**A/N:** Waah! -Cries- It's finished! I enjoyed writing this very short story.. so I hope you enjoyed reading! Review please! I wanna know what you feel about it! And your reactions! Write whatever you want, and I'll read them gratefully!

By the way, readers, I'd like to thank those who reviewed on the previous chapters! Thank you for liking it!

I hope my little story was able to make up your days... and I hope I was able to put smiles across your faces! It was my first attempt to write a short story and well, thank you guys for embracing it!

I love you all!

So I guess that's about it? And oh! Please be friends with me! I love friends!

Lovelots,

-Eurice-

PS: I have already written a sequel for this story. Yep, a sequel! It's entitled, **"How Far Can Idiocy Go? Part II"**. Please read it! Just check out my profile and you'll find it.. Ja ne!


End file.
